A-Z Guide for Journalists Reporting on Arsenal

It’s impossible to deny, there has been some serious Arsenal bashing in the media for the past days, weeks, months and years. A lot of this is justified, and there are a large number of very decent journalists who report honestly and logically. BUT there are also some completely irrelevant, ill informed and sometimes hilariously ridiculous articles/reports/comments from members of our beloved media about our club.

So, allow me to present what should now be a fundamental guide for any journalist wanting to report on the Arsenal. Stick to these principles, and your career is guaranteed to be a success! Enjoy.

A – Attendance. Doesn’t matter who they are playing, or in which competition, but if the Emirates Stadium attendance drops to anything below 95% then you must highlight this, ignoring any other attendance’s from other clubs at the time. Because a drop in attendance for Arsenal means obvious fan dissatisfaction, and impending doom at the club. Complimenting this with a picture of the sometimes empty away fans section works a treat. No-one will ever notice…

B – Barcelona. Arsenal are Barcelona’s bitches, remember. They will inevitably face each other in the Champions League (which Barca will win), and sign all of their decent players. Ignore the fact that almost every single player who has made the move from North London to Spain has turned to a total flop.

C – Champions League. Any time Arsenal drop points in the Champions League, it’s a disaster. Whether it’s away against the German Champions, or home to a minnow from Eastern Europe. Other English teams have a “hard-earned point”, but Arsenal can only get “two points lost” comments if any of them draw in the competition.

D – Dealings. Do all you can to question every Arsenal transfer dealing. New players coming in are crap, ones going out are making the best decisions of their careers. Fact.

E – Emirates Stadium. They haven’t won a trophy since they moved to the Emirates in 2006. Don’t worry about other stats about Arsenal, this is all you’ll need to know.

F – Fabregas. Even though Cesc has finally made his desired move to Barcelona, we can’t forget about him. Every time Arsenal drop points/get an injury/miss a sitter/concede a goal, or a Gooner spills their coffee in the stands at The Emirates, it can somehow be attributed to Fabregas’ departure over the summer. If all else fails, just make up a quote from him about how crap he thinks Arsenal now are. Careful though, as he may sue.

G – Gazidis. For some reason he doesn’t speak to us very much, so just assume he’s Wenger’s lap dog. We’re not sure where he’s from though, so given his previous job was with the MLS we all guess he’s born in America.

H – Highbury. Forget about everything that happened in this stadium. Ever.

I – Injuries. Also forget about any injured players that Arsenal have. Just assume they are always able to field their strongest XI. So they never have any excuse for dropping points. If an injury does get leaked into the media, blame the Arsenal medical staff. It’s always their fault.

J – Irresponsible Journalism. You’ll get this aimed at you a lot. Just take it on the chin, and remember what a great job you are doing.

K – Kick them while they’re down – See A and R for this. The slightest drop in attendance, or any dropped points are relevant for this section.

L – Lies. These must be consistent in every single article you write about Arsenal.

M – Money. Ignore how financially prudent they have been (claim it as stubborn), and how healthy their finances are. All you need to write about is how little money they’ve spent in recent years, and that they should have copied the wreckless and unethical spending of Man City and Chelsea.

N – North London. Tottenham are the biggest club in North London now. All because they have our savior Harry Redknapp as their manager. They have better players, and always sell out their superior stadium. Mention this as much as humanly possible. Do hide the “I <3 Spurs” tattoo on your arse when attending Arsenal press conferences though.

O – Originality – Don’t worry about being original with your reporting. Saying the same old things about Arsenal will always go down a treat. See Q and L if you are struggling with this.

P – Piers Morgan. He’s the epitome of the Arsenal fan. Take his word as gold, and assume all other Arsenal fans share his delightful views. Pretend the Copenhagen incident never happened.

Q – Quantity. The amount of copies you sell/views you get is the most important aspect of journalism. Ignore all other ethics (including the truth) in order to achieve these goals.

R – Results. If Arsenal win a game, it’s not that important. But if they draw or lose a game, be sure to make it the centerpiece of your reporting.

S – Sources. Just pretend you have a source in all departments at the club. Should make your arguments somewhat believable. Always ignore the question of who the source is as well. Making up names puts this cunning tactic at risk.

T – Twitter. There will be Arsenal fans on twitter who call you out on your reporting, and question your motives and sources. Try and outsmart them by ignoring them, answer back with jargon, or only reply to the idiot fans that don’t quite have the mental capacities of challenging your original point.

U – UEFA. UEFA are always in the right (or you might lose that press pass and cupcake at European matches). Especially when it comes to Arsenal. How dare Arsene Wenger sit peacefully in the stands and chat to a coach next to him (obviously ignore the fact that UEFA said this was initially OK – we pretend that never happened).

V – Van Persie. He’s Arsenals new Captain and current biggest star. Give it a few weeks, then it’s probably time to start the rumours of his imminent departure to Barcelona. Constantly ask him about his contract, and twist everything he says into implying he will not sign a new one.

W – Wenger. It’s always his fault. And he’s constantly under pressure as Arsenal manager. Important to focus on this.

X – Xanthic. What we’ll all go when Arsenal win a trophy.

Y – Youngsters. Only worth linking Arsenal to players under the age of 21. When they play in the Carling Cup, ignore the fact that it’s mainly a youth/reserve team playing.

Z – Zonal Marking. Arsenal’s defensive set-piece tactic. Likely to concede them many goals this season. Make yourself look smart by mentioning this.

In Arsene We Trust. Or do we? I do....

We may be united in our support for The Arsenal, but Gooners are currently very much divided over the future of Arsene Wenger. It’s not the most complicated of debates to get your head around, as there are only two schools of thought; he should remain, or he should be sacked.

I sit very firmly in the “he should remain” camp, although I do ultimately admit that I can’t see the greatest manager we’ve ever had remaining at the club past his current contract expiration date, in the summer of 2014.

The idea for this blog is very simple. It’ll be a self-run Q&A session in which I’ll answer the main questions asked by those posing in the “he should be sacked” camp, hopefully with a strong enough argument to prove that he should remain where he is (or crash and burn, not totally sure yet).

Might as well start with the big one….

Q. We’ve gone six full seasons now without a trophy. How is that acceptable for a club of Arsenal’s stature?

A. The hardest question to answer, because we are all extremely disappointed about the lack of silverware. The reason Wenger still has a job at Arsenal is because of the change in value of where you finish in the league these days. Had Wenger consistently finished fourth when he first joined in 1996, I doubt he would have lasted more than 5 years. Now, finishing fourth brings a huge financial benefit to a club, one which Wenger has consistently managed, and that a board would much prefer, to say a sixth place finish but a FA Cup win. As a result, we’ve maintained our status amongst European’s elite, with some good runs in the premier club competition along the way. This all means top revenue coming in, and although we aren’t winning trophies, we are still one of the financially strongest clubs in the world (fifth to be precise). And while Wenger keeps providing that for the Board, he in turn keeps a job.

Q. But do you think we’ll finish fourth this season?

A. I really hate the cliché “it’s only early days”, as you lose the same amount of points in September as you do in May with a defeat. However, it is true that there is a long way to go this season, and a positive we can take is that both Sp*rs and Liverpool look like they will drop points too. Arsenal are prone to an annual fuck up, usually occurring sometime between March-May. Hopefully this season, our fuck up is happening now. If we can pick up momentum, start winning and end the season strongly (usually our downfall) then I think we can still do it.

Q. Yeah, but what happens this season if we don’t finish fourth? Wenger will get sacked right?

A. If we don’t finish top four this year, it will be hard to defend anyone at the club, from players to upper management. Wenger is the central figure so gets most of the blame, but several clubs have had bad years (much worse than we’ll have this year) and bounced back. Sometimes dropping back gives you a great chance to re-assess and take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Same in any job. Liverpool look like they are now bouncing back after a few years in the UEFA Cup/League. Newcastle dropped down a division and have come back a lot stronger. OK yes, both clubs changed their management during this process, but simply sacking the manager isn’t always the best solution. More than one man has an impact on a football club.

Q. Why won’t Wenger ever take a risk in the transfer market? Or pay what clubs/players demand in transfer fees/wages?

A. Arsenal has a very unique transfer policy and wage structure. And to be honest, I’m proud of it. The Board recognizes that we don’t have the manpower to rival the crazy (and unethical) spending of Chelsea and Man City, or the brand image and appeal that Man United has. We play it cool, look for the bargains and do our business on the down low. And we do it late. We have to. The big spenders mentioned above dictate the transfer window, because every selling club wants to get the best value for their players. And rightly so, as this is a business after all. And when there are Russian and Middle Eastern billionaires throwing money around for fun, how can you blame Bolton for holding out for £15m for their prize asset? Or Valencia waiting to see if they get offered more than £16m for Juan Mata? We do business late, once the big spenders are done, and the selling clubs know there are no alternatives but to sell to us. Wage wise, our wage structure is a little bit shit. Due to our youth policy of buying players with “resale” value (see previous blog), we had to bring players in and convince them to join us over others. And for youngsters, as the fee is so small it’s all about wages. For more on the “he bought talent but sold it on” chat, see my previous blog.

Q. But the board won’t sack him will they? He has them wrapped around his little finger.

A. One of the biggest misconceptions out there from some Gooners. The idea that it is only Arsene Wenger running this club is complete bollocks. We have a silent owner, who at times seems more interested in watching his other sport franchises and reenacting the Cold War with the other major shareholder at the club. And a CEO who seemingly avoids any sort of public criticism when Arsenal’s spending or finances are involved. I think Ivan has a lot of answering to do, as other than increase the ticket prices (and piss a lot of Arsenal fans off in the process), he hasn’t seemed to do that much. I can only hope he’s waiting for the never ending Emirates shirt deal to end in 2014, then he’ll show his true worth and sign us a bumper deal which sky’s our commercial value. Dreaming right? Probably. Either way, it’s the Board who has given Wenger the policy to run with. The policy he gets so heavily criticized for. And the Board only seems to get the blame from people actually clever enough to realize what’s happening at the club. Weird huh?

Q. So if Wenger doesn’t leave now, when will he leave? He can’t stay forever, and his days are numbered!

A. Of course, his time will come. And that time I believe will be when his contract expires in 2014. Wenger has always been a loyal man, who in his own words would never walk away from a contract. But I honestly can’t see why he’d sign another one (if he is offered one, that is). I think the sensible thing to do, is let Wenger walk away in 2014, not sacked, and with his reputation forever remaining as an Arsenal legend. Who managed for the best part of two decades, bringing us some of the best days in the club’s fine history. Sacking him would almost certainly ruin the memory of what he has done for the club. He deserves his place as the greatest manager we’ve ever had. He’ll get us by until then, for sure. No one knows this club and these players better than him. So who is honestly going to turn things around, given the resources?

Q. What can we do to improve this season?

A. This is definitely a confidence thing. There’s no doubting that our squad is good enough to finish top four. OK, I’m biased, but I definitely believe that at full strength we have the fourth (or even third) best squad in the league. The media hype, injuries and suspensions will for sure have drained the squad. Plus not having two of our three key players (Wilshere and Vermaelen) has definitely been a factor. We will start winning, we will get players back, and we will recover. We’re the Arsenal. Having said that, a defensive coach is a must. Someone who knows the English game, knows the club and can install confidence and belief in our fragile back four. What are Martin Keown and Tony Adams up to these days?

Q. But we might get relegated this season?

A. Lol, grow up.

Q. You are so insightful. How can I read your thoughts on a day-to-day basis?

A. Oh you’re too kind, just follow me on twitter - @mattlittlechild

You could say that Wenger’s (possible) demise is ironically a result of his own success. He has given us so much that we now expect constant achievements. Now we aren’t getting them, people almost forget that the main reason we are where we are today, is because of Wenger. Football fans are incredibly fickle, and quick to forget things like this. Wenger is the greatest thing that has ever happened to Arsenal Football Club. Don’t write him off just yet.

No matter what happens this season, we’ll experience it together. I think we’ll all be pleasantly surprised come May. But then again, for my own health, I kind of have to think like that. We all do. Keep supporting, keep believing. COYG

Q. "Where has our Arsenal gone?" - A. to The Emirates

So plans are in place for several Arsenal fans to take part in a protest before Saturday's home fixture against Swansea. Whether you think it's right or wrong (I'll give my verdict at the end), I think it's only fair to offer a balanced view and look at the reasons for the protest from both a fan and Board perspective.

The tag line that the protesters are going with is "Where has our Arsenal gone?". The answer? The Emirates. The complaint of increased ticket prices, membership costs etc is a completely valid one from a fans perspective. But can you blame the Board for doing it? At the end of the day, we fans are nothing but loyal consumers of a quickly expanding entertainment industry that is in serious risk of flying out of financial control if measures are not taken to "balance the books". The days of family run clubs are well and truly over; enter the businessmen. They don't need to have footballing knowledge, just an understanding of how to turn a product into profit. Unless you are a certain Chelsea or Man City owner, who I'm fairly sure are just doing it for their own amusement.

Arsenal ran up a significant bill when moving stadium from our beloved Highbury, to the state-of-the-art Emirates Stadium back in 2006. It was clear that after that, we'd need a controlled and disciplined approach to our finances in order to pay off the debt, and not spiral into financial ruin a la Leeds United and others have done in the past decade. Players were bought with a "resale" value. Youth was purchased, developed, and sold for particular profit. Very cunning, very clever. And there's no better man to do this than Arsene Wenger. Most importantly, despite this policy we remained in the sacred top 4 of the Premier League, and therefore the Champions League too (which as we know provides huge financial bonuses for qualification alone).

For the first time ever, we have broken the £50m spending limit this summer. Forgetting about who we sold, that is a significant milestone for our otherwise stubborn spending policy. And we brought in players with vast international, European and leadership experience. Yes we lost Cesc (and some overhyped money grabber named $amir), but whereas in previous years we'd have settled for similarly young replacements, we this time looked for experience as the answer. Arteta, Benayoun, Mertesacker and co. All quality players. This leads me to believe that Wenger has begun to see the value in bringing in players of experience to accompany our promising youngsters of Jack Wilshere, Aaron Ramsey, Theo Walcott and the rest. This is the sort of thing we have been crying out for for years. Yet some fans still slate the dealings? We cashed in on two players who didn't want to play for the club. Except for the midfield (let's face it, if you sell Fabregas your midfield simply can't be deemed stronger) I think every other area of the squad is stronger now than it was in May.

Transfer policy done. Now ticket prices.

As I said, we are merely consumers and paying customers to a product (football). Basic understanding of business and economics will tell you that if you have a product that is selling at over 100% it's production rate (or stadium capacity I'll call it), then you have the adequate demand to increase said prices. People are still paying to watch Arsenal every week aren't they? Whether they complain or not, they are. Fact. Sure, the club may have lost a lot of long-term and loyal supporters, but I have no doubt this is made up by new fresh supporters, willing to pay the money to watch the club they love. We must also take into account economic considerations such as the VAT increase, which as Gazidis mentioned when addressing AST members earlier this summer, also had an impact on the increase in ticket prices.

Now, I'm not saying I condone or agree with the ticket prices. I (like most) feel they are too high, and certainly are too high for myself and many others to attend every game. (I miss the old days where I could get in on an £8.50 Junior Gunners ticket...). But when slating the club and the prices, you should think about it from their angle. They have the demand, they want to increase revenue where ever possible, so a ticket increase makes sense from that perspective.

The Arsenal protesters need to realise the harsh reality which is modern day football. Football is a business, run by businessmen (or women, sorry Karen) who will now place financial implications higher than anything else when running a club. That's why finishing 4th is such a bigger deal to them than winning the FA Cup for example. And I can understand that view, but I don't share it.

Having said that, if I were present at the Swansea game on Saturday (I unfortunately will be away in Las Vegas... tough gig) I would be more focused on getting behind the team and manager and getting our season up and running, than causing a scene which will paint a further negative image on our beautiful club. We've taken a battering in the media lately; they love to write crap about us. Some of it true, some of it not. There are way too many negative Arsenal fans out there, who do nothing but provoke these media moguls further into writing their never ending slander against the club's great name. Every club goes through bad patches. If this is our one bad patch for the next 5/10 years, then we've done well (again, think Leeds United). Yes we've not won a trophy for 6 years. Other clubs have gone through longer dry spells. But we are still an English and European super-power. And one of the strongest financially too.

So here is my ultimate message to the protesters. Grow up, man up and actually stop and think about just what you are going to achieve this Saturday. Because you won't get what you want; you'll make us look even worse. Our Arsenal might have moved stadium, but the history is still the same. It always will be. Whether you want to carry on supporting us or not, I'm not bothered. The true fans will always be there no matter what, in one form or another. Whether they can pay to watch every game from the stadium or not, doesn't define the hierarchy of the Arsenal fan in my view. As long as you are supporting the team, where ever you are the in world, you're a valuable Gooner in my eyes.